Ten minutes of this Saturday left before Sunday comes. I have been procrastinating for about twelve hours now. A lot is on my mind; the year is coming to an end and I wonder what I have achieved and also I have grown in that I believe I am ready for a steady relationship. I’ve had relationships before but they were very brief and some very very brief like a night, if there is such a thing as a relationship that lasts only a night.
My morning started off by going to work at six where I just waited for the next six to eight hours to end. The highlight of the day is that my hot Xhosa manager told me that I have a nice body and after she gave me that comment I could not concentrate on anything else.
Yesterday I took part in the Wits Pride march a celebration for the LGBTQI community, it was fun but it was also bittersweet because I was in a bit of a tension between myself and a person close to me. I think I’m still tense even now but slowly I’m getting over it. Letting it go. I just realised things don’t always go the way you want them to, no matter how much sense it makes to you the other person may find your proposal ridiculous.
I haven’t written in a long long time and I can see that I have lost my natural flow of storytelling. I must rectify this and go back to writing four or five times a week. I mean my ultimate goal is to make a living of writing and travelling the world. I need practise, somewhere along the way I have lost the ball. Work, exercising, studying, family problems and friendship problems I believe may attribute to this lack of writing.
I feel like a blocked drain, some gunk needs to come out and I don’t know how. Should I vent, cry, exercise or just have patience that all these waste emotions will go away by themselves? Also I have been listening to Whitney Houston the whole day and her beautiful voice always make me emotional. I should be going to sleep now because I have to be up early in the morning. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll have written something better than what I have written right now on this page. My head is foggy and my heart is sore.
Also I have exams to write in about thirty days and my stress levels are through the roof because I am very very behind with my studying. I’ll just struggle through because I really want this degree it will advance my career while I wait for my writing career to take flight.
Everything, every single thing is frustrating me right now but maybe I need sleep. I have been up for a very long time- worse without wine or dark chocolate.