08 June 2014 Sunday

Everyone rests on Sunday well except for me; I had to go to work early in the morning. It took me a long time to get up because I was having a morning tantrum; you know those days when you whine and cry like a child and you scream about how unfair life is; well that was me. I think have expressed enough how banal work is and will no longer go into details.
Right now the streets are dirty, even the street cleaners have their Sundays off. I often watch them before going off to sleep, they are usually groups of middle aged black women with transparent plastic bags tied around their wide waists and they have the largest brooms. They chat and laugh under the fluorescent street lights as they do their work, it’s simply amazing, then in a few hours they’re gone and the streets are at their cleanest. That only last until the morning when the vendors come and put up their stalls. The city cycle of life is intriguing and infectious. There is no other place to feel more alive than in this city. When I was driving to my friend this evening I saw a group of hobos singing in unison into a single mic. The mic was attached to an amplifier and two big speakers, there was a back track playing, the song was actually good and the little crowd that had gathered around them seemed to enjoy them; that is Joburg for you- you do what you want with it or you do nothing at all.
In the afternoon after work I went to Arts on Main to meet one of the two gentlemen I was with last week. While waiting for him I watched two greyhounds dressed in customised winter jackets play, I was jealous of these two dogs- I was freezing and had on two hoodies and there they were in what seemed like Burberry coats- but seriously life is unfair. I realised I was in no mood for social interaction and came back home and watched an omnibus of Modern Family.
Xoli came to visit yesterday; she bought me two pots, two plates, two cups, two tablespoons and two teaspoons- what a darling she is. I can never be bored when she’s around, we had our usual funny conversations about our families and then it got intense when we got to talking about relationships and I blurted that I could possibly never be in a relationship with a man, how she asked and well we delved deep into conversations of sexuality. I had never been this intense with Xoli before and awkwardness hung between us and choked what was always a fluid conversation. After getting through the trite conversation I walked her to the taxi. I know that she still loves me but I wonder if she thinks I’m a freak or need help- only time will tell. I’ll always love her.
I feel like an unstable atom, I need to release certain aspects of me in a way an atom would want to release an electron to feel stable, and in releasing these aspects of myself the unstable environment that is around me, I feel, will stabilise.
I plan to go to the gym this week and actually use the equipment. I want to lift heavy because it is what accelerates fat loss and I feel it is the next step in my exercise regime. I like exercising but I do not like exercising with people watching and this why I have been to the work gym twice but have never actually exercised in it. I just stand there for half an hour and then leave- hopefully I won’t do that this week. Last time I was there I vowed to come back because a hot girl was on the treadmill and was very friendly to me- she could be my gym buddy, okay maybe I’m overarching my expectations, I don’t even know her name. Maybe tomorrow I’ll meet her and ask her.
Tomorrow is my last day at work before I take my two compulsory off days, I can’t wait for tomorrow to be over. I can’t wait for the sun to rise- winter nights are just too cold for singletons.

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